Love & Fear

 

Love and fear

Many years ago I came across a book that I have never forgotten. Very often when important books have come to me, it often seems that rather than me finding a book the right book finds me -- and at just the right time. For a variety of reasons I needed to hear the message of that little book at that point in time. As I say, I've never forgotten it. Evidently the need has stayed with me.

The title of the book is Love is Letting go of Fear.

At the heart of the insight in the book is the text from The first letter of John.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear. (1 John 4:18)

Several times in the last couple of weeks I have been reminded of how fear creeps into our thoughts and our behavior, even when we don’t recognize it as fear. I shared with my spiritual Director that I knew very well that my habit of walking every day had been broken in the course of our move to Monroe, but somehow I was not doing what I needed in order to re-establish the habit. I knew what needed to be done, and yet somehow I haven’t been able to begin anew.

Her response to me took me by surprise. That's an important skill for a spiritual director. Rather than asking me about something having to do with developing habits, or discipline, or focus — doing the right thing, she asked me what I thought I was afraid of.

I paused because it seemed like a question out of left field. And I didn't have a sense of being afraid, just that I wasn't exercising when I knew that I should. Long ago I had also learned that telling ourselves what we "should" or "shouldn't" do is often a trap, because it can hide the real emotions of the moment.

I tried to think of fears that might be present. There were anxieties attached to moving to a new city and state. I didn't know if that was it. There were perhaps disappointments in the fact that two years ago I had anticipated this summer's move to be to somewhere near the ocean. I'm still not sure. And I'm still working on re-establishing my walking habit. But I am very alert to the insight that comes from recognizing our own fears.

I had another conversation this past week with clergy colleagues where fear again made an appearance. They observed, rightly I think, that in many of our congregations there is a significant amount of fear generated by our experiences of the last couple of years. There is reactivity and entrenchment, frustration and passivity, all because fear has got in the way.

There is fear related to wondering where the money will come from. There is fear related to wondering how and whether the people will return who have left. There is fear over what has been lost. There is fear over the aging of our congregations. And on and on the list could go.

Lurking around the message of the book, Love is Letting Go of Fear, and indeed I think all of life, is the observation that peace of mind comes only from letting go. Letting go of our nostalgia for what had been in order to embrace what will be. Letting go of our need to be right so that we can embrace forgiveness. There are all kinds of "letting go's" that we must navigate.

The book says, “There are only two emotions: one is love and the other is fear. Love is our true reality.”

Much of the world that surrounds us preaches that scarcity is everywhere. Love teaches us that there is enough -- all the time.

I am still learning these lessons and I think perhaps I will never stop needing to learn. I can be so hardheaded and stubborn. I have also known love, and sometimes I have even been able to act on it. Those times help to set me free.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear.